Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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