The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
