someone threw a dead crab at me
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
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