This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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