before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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