So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
