woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
