I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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