No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
