the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I am one with the molecules
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
