Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
