i permit you to call me
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
