ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
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spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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