This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
