Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
