My liver just broke up with me...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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