OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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