I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
