i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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