somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
