How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
