He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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