I wish my penis had an off switch
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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