I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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