do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
