I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
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other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
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I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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