mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
