Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
