That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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