i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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