Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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