very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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