Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
