Just took my morning after pill in the library
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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