And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
