if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
