i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
