in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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