apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
