They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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