You really coming over, don't trick.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
