No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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