if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
