I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
