Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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