Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
