If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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