just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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