I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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