yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
