and next time when you feel me up, do it right
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
