Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
