Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
