I'm lost and stupid without you.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
