You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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