well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
