is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
