in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
