the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
