This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
