halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
