I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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