I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
