Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
