Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
