i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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