I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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