I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
